I knew I was pregnant, two days after trying to conceive you, I felt different. I was moody, greasy, and so excited because I knew you were with me. Over the next nine months I felt you grow, you are such a gentle little soul. I loved being pregnant even though I lost any desire to eat and my back ached.
We decided to give birth to you at home. We made our decision to have you at home because our home feels so safe and peaceful, and we fully trusted the experience of our amazing midwives and doula. The month leading up to your arrival was busy preparing for a home birth. “Tarps lots of tarps” Lisa the midwife said. You were due October 22, 2009 and that day came and went. Then a week past, Grampa and Joanne showed hoping to meet you soon, as it couldn’t be much longer now. Halloween arrived, and still no baby Natalia. We had The Weber’s and Rosse’s over to go trick or treating, but warned them that they may be delivering a baby. Perhaps from all the excitement I started to feel some regular contractions although they were not painful. I called Jaquie “ Am I in labour?”, and she replied, you don’t have to ask the question when you are in labour because you will most defiantly know. I went to bed that night convinced I would be in labour by the morning.
The next two days came and went. At this point we were being monitored regularly at the hospital. On Sunday, Lisa said I was 1 cm dilated, that was disappointing news. I was hoping to hear, WOW, your 5 cm dilated, this baby is going to fall out of you. Starting to feel a little stressed at being 10 days over due, I started to pull out the big guns. I had a stretch and sweep, acupuncture and had the ingredients for the castor oil and verbena cocktail.
On Monday morning, your daddy excitedly made my the very gross cocktail. He had a silly grin as I choked down this thick almondy sticky slimy cocktail. Then off to the hospital we went for another ultra sound. Jaquie had warned us that I would be in labour 4 hours after drinking that mixture. As I was coming out the hospital, the midwives called, “ We were wondering if you could hold off on drinking the castor oil, as we are really busy today?” Uh – Oh…its too late, I already drank it. Jaquie called 3 hours later to see if there was any action, a little but nothing too exciting. At this point ,I kicked out grandpa, Joanne and Ardyn, this needed to happen and I thought perhaps I am not letting go cause everyone was here. When they started to walk out the door, boom, contractions!
I was laughing at first, cause Daddy was frantically puling out the tarps and getting things organized. They wee coming fast and hard, every 40 seconds lasting only 20 seconds ( or so I thought). Slightly confused and panicked because weren’t they supposed to build slowly and last for a minute? “ Mucus plug, Mucus plug” I screamed, sheer panic. Dave I need you…crying. I don’t know why in the moment I was scared, maybe because it felt so different from the first time, or memories from the first time started to surface. “ Call Jaquie!” Four hours later just as our doula predicted I was in Labour. Jaquie was on her way which settle my nerves down. I felt like a caged animal, I didn’t know what to do with myself. Daddy said get on the treadmill, sure that sounded like a good idea. I walked, then hung from the handle bars then walked some more. When Jaquie showed up, she laughed,” the things women do in labour.”
Jaquie calmly said, I think you should call the midwives now. Janice. The midwife listen to me moan while having a contraction and said we will be there in 10 minutes! Fast, it was all so fast. Debbie, the wise wonderful midwife showed up after canceling all the clients at the clinic. It was a busy day for babies to be born as she was not supposed to have been on call, but had no choice as our baby was coming fast. She did a cervical exam, “ you are 4 cm dilated, but tense, its gonna snap if you just relax. Get in the bath tub and Melt.”
In the tub I went, candles lit, some classical music and aromatherapy going. My belly wasn’t completely covered as I laid on my side, so Jaquie slowly pored warm water over my belly. It didn’t take long before I started to fall in a trance while holding on to your daddy’s hands. In between contractions, I breathed deeply, yoga breathing with my eyes closed. A contraction would come and bring me out of my state and I felt the need to stretch as long as I could to give you room. This went on for a while, my only sense of time was when the music changed to my beloved Radiant Awaking CD. Then I felt to need to poop, I need to poop, no thats just the baby, no really I need to poop!” I got out of the tub, and all the castor oil came out of me. As I sat on the toilet my leg trembled and I was shivering. “ Its text book Raeghan, you are suppose you feel that, you are transitioning.” Now what, “ Get back in the tub fast. Three roaring contractions followed bring me to my knees yelling,” I am done I can’t do this.” Again, “This is text book you are supposed to say that!” Then I puked everywhere, big forceful raging puke. Then calm…
Debbie “ okay its time to get out of the tub and on to the bed.” I waddled over to the bed, requiring assistance to get on the bed. It felt like I was climbing a mountain with a bowling ball between my legs. I fell to my side.
A contraction came with great force followed by the need to push. I was pushing, no one told me to push, I just started to push. It felt good to push. It took the pain away, I was close. Then another gasping contraction followed by an even bigger push. I know how to do this. Daddy was holding my leg, Jaquie was holding my crushing hand, and the midwives standing by “ thats it Raeghan, you are doing awesome.” I could feel you against my back, trying to make you way out. It felt enormous, wide open, how could this be crazy pressure. I feel you I feel you, the your head peaked through, so full of hair. Then on more push and you arrived! So in love, so beautiful, so calm, so peaceful, so perfect.
You were placed on my stomach, and crawled your way up to my chest and started nursing. Perfection. I love you so much baby Natalia. We starred at each other and time stood still.
This experience healed me, and made me in awe of my body, nature, and the kindness of the universe. Thank you for coming into our lives we are so blessed.